if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
