the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize