the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
