Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
