Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
