she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
