He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You can't special order awesome
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
