Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
