i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
