And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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