the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
