Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
