oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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