My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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