now i know why i became what i already was.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
