What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
