She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
