You just made me feel so damn special
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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