you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
