he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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