when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize