I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
