Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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