I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
