I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
