Im at strip club and am horny
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
