found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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