I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
