Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
