I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
false alarm, still single
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