...so i touched it.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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