I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
