All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
