happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
