Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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