Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
