i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
there's paper in my vomit.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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