I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
