According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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