I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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