I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize