I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize