so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
