Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
