It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
