bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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