I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
