Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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