It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i think i have two assholes
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
