i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
