My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
