I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We named our party play list daddy issues
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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