so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
