So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
