I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
