hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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