awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
