I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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