last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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