im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize