my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
