I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
