Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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