When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
