I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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