mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
