My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
