Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Randomize
